What You’ve Done

I am so selfish, Father. I think rich thoughts of how it could be with me and mine, but I think so rarely of you and the wondrous sacrifice you made in the coming of our blessed Lord Jesus Christ. The emptying of yourself to come to be one of us is too deep for me to grasp, too bright for me to even glance at, for the glaring love of it all causes my eyes to close and my breath to catch.

I look at the beauty of the story of Jesus and I am caught in its richness and humbled by its beauty, but I can hold it in my heart and mind for such a short time and then the selfishness creeps back into my everyday existence and I begin to push Him off the throne. He who became poor so that I might be rich; He who gave up glory to give me glory, to say to the world that we are worth something more than a few pieces of silver or some token jewels that we cannot hold on to; He who is the only reason we are living and hope to live.

I am rife with sin and guilty of it all. I try to pass blame, but know full well that the blame is mine and the death I deserve should be mine as well, but you came. In you I have found the greatest gift, poured out so that all may take of it. We can taste it, handle it, smell it and even be caressed by it, yet it is not something physical at all. I am touched by that blessed gift as I untie the bows and tear into the wrapping paper and see within the wonderful wonder. I see forgiveness as it reaches into my chest and takes the evil and washes it and takes the broken pieces and mends it so that no cracks or chips are visible. Forgiveness moves me and gives me glimpses of the truly meaningful things of life; Love, hope, joy, sacrifice and there, always washing, always mending, always touching is forgiveness, blessed, peace-bringing forgiveness.

 I’ve had money, houses, cars, treasures of all kinds, but none of these remain to give me satisfaction. I am always looking for the next dollar, a newer car, a bigger house; I long to fill my pockets and use that fullness to satisfy my longings, but the longings never cease. But, but forgiveness comes and I’m sated. I’m full. I’m rich. I take that into my heart and I see that the worst I’ve done is washed away and someone, the God who made me, cares that it is gone. Then, (how can we even understand all this?) then, because I could not become like you, you chose to become like me. You became flesh and dwelt among us. You raised us up and gave us worth…and most of all you forgave us. You took the vile away, bearing our sins, taking the shame of the cross for yourself and cried from the cross we nailed you to, “Father… forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing!”

Thank you for washing me over and over and over and over and over and…and…and…

-Josiah Tilton